Don't use the ball gag this time, OK?

For the first time in the history of our nation, the Speaker of the House had to vote in order to break a tie on a non-confidence motion. As the result of outright bribery with one of the largest ministry portfolios and some backroom deal that ended up with the same "talking points" as were dangled in front of Grewal, the Liberals are still in power. And Martin's gonna run the show as though he won another whopping majority.

Until at least May 31st, the next opposition day in the House.

No, not another rant. Just an exhausted resignation to the conduct of those in power as I assume the position of the Canadian Tax Payer-slash-Voter. Be gentle.

The good news is that anyone who lives in a Liberal, NDP, borderline Conservative or Bloq riding is going to have cash hosed at them. Bring home the goods, Annie.

Forgotten English: "month's mind"
An eager wish or longing.
I have a month's mind for a responsible, representative government which conducts itself and its affairs with integrity and grace.

Oh, ya.

So, the word of the day in my Forgotten English calendar is "indignify." Which means to insult or offend... which I probably managed to do with that last rant.

A rant, if I may?

We are in the midst of the most terrifying democratic conflict in the history of our country. The Liberals have completely relinquished the moral authority to govern, are bribing people to cross the floor or abstain (using the exact same talking points each time: "my constituents don't want an election right now"), and are locked into a breathtaking symphony of spin. And what are the newspapers talking about? The Queen's dress? AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Billionaire daddy's girl jumps ship because another billionaire father figure waves some candy at her. She gets a plum cabinet position with absolutely no qualifications. BC MP shows up with a taped conversation suggesting that the PMO could arrange something for him and his MP wife if they abstain - and reporters go over him for taping a conversation without permission! (Which isn't actually illegal, by the way.)

This kind of manoeuvering in order to squeak by a vote of non-confidence at any cost is actually making my sense of public outrage hurt! It's been a long, long time since I was idealistic enough to care much about the moral failings of the government - I've been desensitized by years and years of lies, abandoned promises and Albertan outsiderness at the Ottawa feast. But right now... Holy simpering fuck, people! Does Martin actually have to stage another free-television-time-by-executive-fiat, and scream "Bend over, Canada!" before people realize what the hell is going on?!

And the yellowish-green part of the bruise, the crowning turd in the waterpipe that backs up the toilet all over the floor, the gas bill attached to the arrow shot into the Canadian gut... is the fact that the Liberals. Will win. Again.

Could we take power away from them? Just for four years? Just to make for a real consequence to all the shit that's been going down, rather than the slap on the wrist of a minority government instead of a majority - a minority that Martin's been running as a carte blanche regardless... Perhaps losing control of the country (which they would never really do, since the bureaucracy and the primary national media are firm Liberal supporters) could mean a change of leadership and we could have some fresh air through the corrupt old corpse. I would even embrace four years of the NDP's hosing money at absolutely every social cause.

The only response these power-mad, directionless rapists of the public trust need is: Oooh... Harper scary... Martin waves a flashlight under his chinfolds and all of a sudden, the entire province of Ontario lines up obediently to vote for the fucking Liberals again! Which means, because of this messed-up representational system we insist on sustaining, that the Liberals are back in power. With more reactionary regional parties elected than ever.

Do I have to be a crazed, shotgun-wielding redneck to consider an independent Alberta? How far away from that am I, really? Sure, we could carry BC, Saskatoon, Manitoba and the Territories if they wanted to come - possibly even Ontario until Thunder Bay. You know, I could even welcome the Maritimes and the native-run expanses of northern Quebec.

Fuck the rest of them. And from a ranting, over-educated, left-leaning Redmonton boy who writes for an independent arts weekly and loves both the French language and Quebecquois culture, I mean that sincerely.

Ahhh. You know what? I actually feel better. Which makes me, down to the very core of my being, Canadian: ineffective ranting and public acceptance. Yay!

A First Post From Home

OK, so it's terribly late and I should really be sleeping.

But I managed to log in from home for the first time, and I felt a sense of occasion. And you know how it is with this writing crap - the sight of your own words has its own draw. It's not like assigned writing or - [Insert Deity] forbid - ad copy. Instead, creative writing is an endless unrolling of text where I watch with eager anticipation to see what comes next.

And so, even at 2:11am with two sleeping princesses in the apartment, I write.

Exciting news - I'm working on a pretty smokin' piece I pitched and my editor bit. Not only that, but I'm getting interviews lined up WEEKS before the piece is due. OK - I was set up for one week before, but the story was bumped two weeks so now I'm preparing, like, three weeks ahead! Marvellous sense of foresight, there, but I won't let it go to my head.

Miso this week, Japanese cuisine that we did without sushi. It felt odd, but turned out fabuloso. Next week, I'm still going to try to badger my coworker and her husband out to The Cajun House in St. Albert. I like the company, but I also want to drag their familiarity with the cuisine into the piece.

It's been three weeks and I have successfully resisted gimmicking my Dish reviews. I didn't expect it to be so hard, but once I've done one... I just need another hit, man. To scare you with the results: I almost adapted this week's review from a 2 Live Crew track.

Gimmicks bad. Reviewing good. I wonder if The Dish and Runaway Spoon got any play from the piece? As a Dish reviewer, you wonder, eh?